I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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