I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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