I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
