Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
