i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
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