I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Randomize
