i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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