His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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