i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Randomize
