Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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