Nicole vs. Life
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
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