Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
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