Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
