so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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