I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
