can we get nightvision for the apartment?
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize