i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
