I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Randomize