It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
