did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
We have so much sex to catch up on
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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