Non-Jews are for practice
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Can vaginas get frostbite?
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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