you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
