Grow some girl-balls and come out already
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
