yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
