Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
