I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
