i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
