I murdered the dance floor call the cops
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Randomize