I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
