I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
