Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
