Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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