I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
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