I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Randomize