Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
