I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Randomize
