I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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