Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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