if you like me you must not know who I am
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
