dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
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