just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Randomize
