She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Randomize
