we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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