her vagine was all disorganized.
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize