so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
