i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
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