God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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