Swine flu. Run for my life!
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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