I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
