somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
How does it feel to date your dad?
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
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