the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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