Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
