what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
