Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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