if you like me you must not know who I am
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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