I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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