How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
