No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
i just google imaged poop.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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