Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Randomize
