He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Randomize
