What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
