I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
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