yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Randomize
