I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
