Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Randomize
