one word: firstdatebathroomanal
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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