you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Randomize
