im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
