i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
sex in a hospital.. check
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
