I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Randomize
