I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Randomize
