too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
