My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
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