If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize