I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
