Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
did you just send me my own nude
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
