omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
