i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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