i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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